My Son as My Spiritual Director

For the past year or so, I’ve been doing spiritual direction in San Francisco (the past few months have obviously been phone direction sessions). It’s something I find incredibly helpful in my life and a great way to help me become more aware of the work God is doing in my life.

Last week my spiritual director asked me whether or not I’d let Caleb be my spiritual director yet. The question kind of caught me off guard and so I asked for a little clarification on what he meant.

He said that if we come from God and return to God in our lives, that means Caleb is fresh from God’s presence and so he hasn’t yet forgotten who God is and what God is like.

His entrance into this world, the three hours his mom was trying to help push him into this new life, may have caused him to question the existence of God, but in many ways, he is closer to God than I am.

And that thought has been sticking with me the past few days. What will I let my son teach me? How can or will I let Caleb spiritually direct me?

Something else my spiritual director said has also been rattling around in my mind. He said (I’m paraphrasing here): “The gaze with which you look upon Caleb is the same gaze with which God looks upon you.” I had to think about that one for a minute, but I’ve seen glimpses of that reality this past week.

I find myself looking at him when he’s in my arms with such love and care, and I just think he’s the most perfect and beautiful creation ever. It’s quite interesting to imagine that’s how God looks at me and what God thinks about me as well. And that goes for you too.

So I guess I have been letting Caleb be my spiritual director recently. And that’s pretty cool I think.

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