As many around the world are celebrating the birth of a baby boy today, today marks 2 months since our two baby boys both entered and left this world. I’m feeling a mix of emotions today and know there are so many around the world who just try to grin and bear it through the […]
A Trip to the Mortuary to Pick up the Boys
Nothing like typing in a title for a blog post called “A Trip to the Mortuary to Pick up the Boys.” That’s enough to make you want to stop reading right now. So stop, if you want. To be honest, I’m not really writing for you anyway. I mean, if you get something out of […]
An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination
I’ve found that reading about loss and grief, particularly around the issue of losing premature babies and stillbirths, has been incredibly helpful for me. To be honest, part of it is probably to be able to have a cathartic experience and cry. This seems to be a tangible way for me to feel like I’m […]
Integrating the Grief
Another book I re-read recently was Jerry Sittser’s “A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss.” Jerry is a religion professor at Whitworth College and was my professor, mentor and friend during my four years at Whitworth. While I haven’t stayed in touch with many Whitworth folk, Jerry is the one who I always […]
Grief is Like a Long Valley…
One of the other books I read while we were away that first weekend was “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis. I was a huge C.S. Lewis fan growing up, and while at college, but haven’t really read much of his stuff since. I found some aspects of “A Grief Observed” really interesting and helpful […]
“It’s hard…but not devastating.”
It’s amazing how a well-intended comment from one person can throw your entire day off. Two days ago I ran into a person in our community who I really like (no one connected to our church community, just someone I’ve gotten to know over the past couple years). This person is a Christian and we’ve […]
Hope Deferred: Heart-Healing Reflections on Reproductive Loss
I’ve been doing some reading on loss and grief the past few weeks, but some of the most profound essays I’ve read on the subject have come out of a little book called “Hope Deferred: Heart-Healing Reflections on Reproductive Loss.” Wow. This book is amazing, and worth reading even if you haven’t gone through any […]
Standing in the Wake of Devastation
The time that we spent in the hospital 3 weeks ago seems like a blur. After we had received the news from the doctor that the pregnancy had to be ended, they started Sarah on the drugs that would induce labor. They also gave her something to help her sleep. We were in Walnut Creek, […]
Little One, Born to Bring us Such Love
Our good friend Adam sent us a nice email the other day, and included the words to the hymn “Little One, Born to Bring us Such Love.” As he said in his email, “it seems, sadly, amazingly fitting” for our loss of Micah and Judah. I’m fairly certain I’ve never heard the tune to this […]
The Stages of Grief
Grieving sucks. I may need to brush up on all of the stages of grief, but I feel like I’m going through all of them, all the time. Monday was just a shitty day all around. Tuesday we came home, and although we kept ourselves busy, there was still plenty of crying. But yesterday…I didn’t […]